Hello. Satan here. Sure, I’m best known for war, pestilence, brussels sprouts and those songs in commercials you can’t get out of your head. And some of you have met me because we’ve made a little deal for your soul. You know who you are.
As a writer, too (I’m the author of all those bestsellers you tried to read and thought were garbage), I know the value of participating in a critique group. I thought I’d share some of my views on how I approach my role as a critique partner which I do for fun.
- Don’t make suggestions. Instead tell the writer how to do it the way you’d do it. That’s what they’re there to hear, right?
- Read too carefully. Look for anything to criticize. There’s got to be something to point out. Something nit picky. Maybe the font?
- Don’t read carefully enough and make an irrelevant comment. This is one of my favorites. There’s nothing like it that’s more frustrating for the writer who isn’t allowed to talk while being critiqued. I enjoy how their faces turn red.
- Don’t read at all. Or don’t pay attention when the writer is reading his or her own work. Just act bored and stare at your nails.
- Engage in revenge critique. No one says anything negative about my work without getting an irrelevant comment back.
- Use your body language to full effect. Eye rolling. Furrowed brow. Clenched teeth. They all work for me.
- Pop in and out of established critique groups. When you’ve got all you need, drop out. There’s nothing like stepping on the heads of others as you claw your way to the top.
So feel free to use any of these tips. Productive and respectful critique groups are not my friends. Too much competition from better writers.
Oh, by the way, I’m running a year-end sale on soul acquisition. Hurry before this deal runs out. Contact me. I’m all over Twitter.